The Top 10 Reasons Why You Won’t Buy A Verizon iPhone!

I’m a Verizon man. I was once an AT&T man. Then one day AT&T gave me the worst customer service I’ve ever dealt with in my life. Not long after that AT&T was bought out by Cingular. The customer service got worse, so I left Cingular. Somewhere along the way Cingular became AT&T again. I don’t know what happened there, but I switched to Verizon. I’ve been extremely happy at Verizon. They know customer service. They know their products. Then Apple released the iPhone to AT&T. I was tempted to switch back, but something told me that it wouldn’t be a good experience. Granted, I might have the iPhone, but I’d be with poor coverage and poor customer service. For me, that was not a fair trade-off. Well, I’m sure everyone’s heard by now: Verizon is getting an iPhone. Even though I’m excited to hear that (Mostly because my best friend in the world works for Verizon) I’m torn on getting the iPhone. Granted, it is appealing, but I have my reasons right now why I won’t get one. I have a Droid X and I love it, but an iPhone…Well, I might be uber-awesome if I got one, right?

I’ve come up with The Top 10 Reasons Why You Won’t Buy A Verizon iPhone either. Am I close to any reasons you won’t do it? Read my list below:

# 10: Because you’ve convinced yourself that Android devices are better and that you’ll rebel against being assimilated with the iLife population even though your buddy and his kids, plus your wife/husband, plus your dad who is cell phone retarded, and your cat all have iPhones.

# 9: Because Steve Jobs doesn’t allow software designers/programmers to do whatever they want when they write an App for the iPhone and completely f#&! Apple security which has a reputation to be only second to BlackBerry when it comes to protecting their consumers/users but somehow you keep telling yourself it’s kind of cute that the Android devices are like fresh open wounds to an easily catchable disease because it’s noble to be flawed and available to viruses.

#8: Because that one time someone hacked into iPhone security…That…One…Time…

#7: Because you won’t buy anything that continues to use a clean, silvery, glossy looking, sleek design and doesn’t take a risk and release a pink or purple version that you decide one day to upgrade too and now you’re stuck with your new pink phone with purple trim for at least two years until you can upgrade and when you finally can you decide to just get a flip phone without a camera or data charges because who needs internet and all the bells and whistles until one day your wife sends you a picture of your kid being cute and because of the lack of data on your service that pic of your kid shows up on your bill costing $32.

#6: Because you tell yourself you’ll never use the Netflix App even though you have Netflix on your Xbox 360 and last week you uploaded the Tom Hanks movie The Money Pit but it took two hours to transfer the movie over to your smart phone because your phone didn’t have the latest plugin/encoding to accept the upload to your phone but wait now you’re getting emails from Comcast because you illegally downloaded that movie and you might get fined millions of dollars like that Harvard kid but now you’re pissed because now The Money Pit is on instant play on Netflix but you don’t have a phone with the Netflix App because iPhone is the only one who has it.

#5:Because if you remove the letter “i” from the front of iPhone it’s just called Phone and you think that’s stupid.

#4: Because you don’t want to get an iPad to help you find your iPhone if you lose it because the iPad has a tracking system that can help you lock out your iPhone and you think it’s going to work in reverse and someday the person who stole your phone will reverse the tracking system and find you by tracing your iPad and then they’ll rob you of your Droid X so now you’re only going to get an old Nokia analog phone even though they don’t work but by doing so you’re telling “the man” that you won’t be tracked by no damn phone/pad combination and that will cause the company to go bankrupt.

#3: Because your ex-girlfriend got one from her new boyfriend and now she’s a bitch even though she was a bitch before because she cheated on you with her “new” boyfriend and when you confronted him about it he just punched you in the mouth and while you were on the ground crying he said to you, “The last time you kissed her on the mouth how’d I taste?”

#2: Because you saw a movie with Shia Labeouf and he had an iPhone and you think he looks like your ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend.

And, the number 1 reason why you won’t get a new Verizon iPhone.

#1: It won’t say “Drooooooooooooooooooooooid” every time you get an email!!!!!!

You know what? I might just get a Verizon iPhone…And you probably will too. 😉


About Modern American Man

I'm a blogger from the Pacific Northwest who wants to create dialogue about American culture.
This entry was posted in Consumerism, Cynicism and Sarcasm, Post A Week Challenge 2011, Techno-Mumbo-Jumbo and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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