Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell: The Truth Finally Revealed!

I find it almost comical how much some people are freaking out over the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”. I don’t understand the fear of a gay or lesbian serving in the military. A friend of mine and I are trying to break down what we think the fear is with Repub…I mean certain political arenas. Both of us don’t get it. My wife and I have gone through the same discussion as well: Why the freak out? Again, we can’t find anything to determine why there’s such a lash-out against gays and lesbians serving in the military. That is, until I watched a few television programs that helped me understand the behavioral fear. So, I’m passing on what I’ve learned to you. This will help us to understand why Repub…I mean certain political arenas are so angry and intense about the whole thing.

I’m going to bullet point the main fears. Hopefully this will shed some light on what the fuss is all about:

  • During a military altercation, primarily focusing on a heavy firefight taking several causalities, it is common practice for a gay or lesbian to begin canvassing the troops still alive for their next sexual partner. This is frowned upon when saving lives apparently.
  • While flying at speeds twice that of sound, it isn’t unusual for a gay or lesbian to try and stick the nose of their plane up the engines of one of their brother planes (Most common among gay men). For lesbians, they may try and back their engines up to another jet fighter’s engines. This maneuver is very dangerous and extremely difficult and could lead to accidents.
  • While on an aircraft carrier, it is frequent in nature for gays and lesbians who help land planes with “glow sticks” to use the sticks as rectal or vaginal dildos while trying to help a pilot land. This can create pilot confusion which can lead to a deadly crash.
  • As a gay or lesbian medic, while servicing injured soldiers, it isn’t uncommon to try and get in a “quickie” on a mildly injured soldier since they are in prime position to be taken advantage of. This can be distracting to straight medics and soldiers which poses a threat to timeliness. Additionally, if a gay or lesbian soldier who is injured and bleeding is watching, they can become excited and lose additional blood due to an increasingly rapid heart rate.
  • Finally, gays and lesbians will band together during boot camp and go on late night “rape runs” of straight soldiers. Since gays and lesbians have super human strength due to their confident sexual nature, it is nearly impossible to fight off a homosexual mid-rape. Of course, this can make the military angry due to the increased activity in emergency visits for rectal and vaginal stitches. You know as well as I do military spending is out of control.

I’m sure I’ve helped a great many of you understand why the military fears having openly gay and lesbian soldiers serving our beloved country. I know I feel more informed. I think it’s important we spread this message to the nations of the world so they won’t follow our attempted practice of fair and equal treatment of all people no matter their religious values, skin color, or sexual orientation.    

I just thank God I never joined the military. I don’t think I could handle being the victim of a late night “rape run”.

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About Modern American Man

I'm a blogger from the Pacific Northwest who wants to create dialogue about American culture.
This entry was posted in Cynicism and Sarcasm, Political Heavy Sigh and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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