I bought a Droid X last Thursday. I stood in line release day and gave the Verizon rep my name and phone number so I could be populated in a computer and placed on “The List” like the others. I was assimilated. Resistance was futile. While I stood there staring at the monitor watching my name slowly move up the sales list from 15 to 14 to 13, anticipating the excitement of getting help–I noticed a unhealthily thin, elderly man getting assistance from an attractive young woman who was representing Motorola.
She was explaining all the features and benefits of the Droid X. He looked lost. I saw him pull out of his pocket a rather clunky, scratched up, circa 1998 flip phone. He showed it to the easy-on-the-eyes Motorola rep and she suddenly looked up at him as if to say, “Holy fuck! What did I get myself in to?”
The elderly gentleman began asking questions like “Will that little TV call my brother in Montana? Will that little TV take calls from my granddaughter in Ohio?” Little Miss Goodlookin’ answered yes, and then began to explain widgets. Big mistake. Rule #32: When asked by an elderly gentleman old enough to remember the first shot fired in the civil war if a Smart Phone will receive phone calls, never segue immediately into widgets.
I couldn’t help but want to tackle the Motorola rep and just before floor impact shuffle into the hands of Mr. Father Time a SAMSUNG SGH-a137 Dark Blue flip phone with speaker phone. Two problems though: 1. The Motorola rep was extremely attractive, and I’m sure my daring attempt to rescue this old-folks-home escapee would have been misconstrued as a cheap attempt to cop a feel. 2. The quick movements taking place in front of the 300 year old Skeletor look-a-like probably would have sent him into a constrictive, massive cardiac arrest that could have caused his internal organs to spew out his rectum.
So, I just stood there and watched this disaster unfold. Before you can say “Shit-in-a-soup-can” this poor elderly gentleman was at the counter (His name reached #1 on “The List”—I never remembered him signing up like I did, but there must have been a “Grandpa Gets The Droid X First” promo) and within minutes he was getting a Droid X. After another 20 minutes I was finally called up to get my phone and wouldn’t you know it: I was right next to granddad. I tried hard to ignore the conversation, but I heard him ask the salesman from Verizon “What’s a Gmail?”
As I left I looked over my shoulder and I could see the elderly gentleman begin to walk away from the counter with Verizon bag in one hand and Droid X in the other. The salesman at the counter took a deep breath as the old man turned his back to him and lightly shook his head back and forth. I think even he wondered what he just did. I made it to the front door and held it open waiting for the elderly gentleman to follow me out. We made eye contact and he could see I was making an escape root for him, but he had one last stop to make: The hot-bodied Motorola Rep with the Kim Basinger lips. He told her with all sincerity and lips quivering with frustration “This is a neat little TV, but I still need a new phone.”
Capitalism wins again.